The Next Train

Traveling in New York City is a unique experience. I have learned that keeping my schedule is dependent on the timing of the next subway train. This understanding often leads to frantic dashes down the stairs to catch the train just as the doors are closing. While this is easy enough for most travelers, it is certainly not easy when you are helping a 3-year-old hold onto the handrail and carrying a stroller down the stairs. Far too often, we arrive at the turnstile just as the train pulls away.

These frantic dashes have really taken a toll on Christian. For the last month or two, Christian has refused to go anywhere that requires traveling by subway. When asked "why?" he always says, "I don't want to miss the train." He gets so anxious about missing the train that he has mini panic-attacks.

Jonathon and I have explained over and over again that we can always catch "the next train." We have even gone as far as to sit in the subway and let a train pass to show him that catching the next train will still get us where we need to go. His worrying is aggravating to us because it seems so irrational. While it has gotten better in the last few weeks, we still see glimpses of worry whenever I mention getting on the subway.

Fast forward to 3 A.M. this morning...

I was having a hard time sleeping. It was one of those nights where my mind was so full of thoughts that I couldn't settle down. Most of the thoughts revolved around worry about our housing situation. Buying the new house in Utah has been anything but smooth. Due to Jonathon's unique job and our moving circumstances, the bank has been analyzing and re-analyzing everything we send them. There are so many things that could cause us to not get the loan. Needless to say, I have been worrying a lot.

As I was laying in bed I started to think how Heavenly Father would help me as His child deal with this situation. I was immediately reminded of our experience with Christian and the subway. His worry seemed completely irrational because we knew that there would always be a next train that would get us where we needed to go. Christian, however, was caught up on the fact that he had no control over the situation.

I realized that my anxiety and worry about the house is caused because I feel a total lack of control. I really have no power over what the bank decides, and it scares me. What I didn't take into account is the fact that there is always "a next train" that will get us where we need to go. If we don't get the house, Heavenly Father will provide another way for us to get where he needs us to be.

Will I be heartbroken for a while? Yes.

Will I get over it and move on? Yes.

Whatever happens in the next month, I have the subway to thank for teaching Christian and me a valuable life lesson.