The Lighter Side of Life

The last few evenings I have found myself awake late into the night wrestling with anxiety. Nights always seem to be the worst. My mind ventures into those thoughts and feelings that I keep suppressed most of the time during the day.  These nighttime thoughtfests have made for one tired and stressed out mom.  While not overwhelming individually, when all of my worries and feelings are put together, it feels like a heavy weight collapsing in around me.  These thoughts range from: the past election and subsequent protests to recent health issues for Christian and me to the coming of our new baby, the economy, student loans, and surviving New York City. Most prominent among my current thoughts is the amount of intolerance, and sometimes flat-out hatred directed at the church and members due to Prop 8. I see these things and can't help but wonder what kind of world my children will inherit and if recent events will be the catalyst for even more division.  

Enough of the negatives... the reason I am writing this post is to purge myself of this weight and just enjoy the lighter side of life for a few moments.  There are so many things that make me happy and hopeful, and this post is a focus on them.  They may seem insignificant in comparison, but whatever makes us happy and brings us peace is far more important in the long run.  So here is the lighter side of our life:

An Early Christmas:  I am now 30 weeks into this pregnancy, and any mother-to-be knows the difficulties associated with an ever-shrinking wardrobe.  I was wearing the same 4 shirts over and over because they were the ones that still fit and looked decent.  This week my Aunt in California sent me a huge box of maternity clothes.  They are beautiful, fashionable, barely used, and best of all fit great!  I was so excited that any of the cliches (kid in a candy store, kid on Christmas morning, etc.) do not fully describe my feelings.  Thanks so much Aunt T.

A Christian Cutie:  Earlier this week, Christian was playing with a little bag that had a handle. He was pretending it was a purse and put it on his shoulder.  He ran over to me and said, "Mom, will you open the door so I can go to the store."  I laughed and said, "Don't you think it is a little scary to go to the store all by yourself?"  He looked at me dead serious and said, "But Mom, I will wait for the walking man" (the sign that we told him means it is okay to cross the street).  I don't want him taking any unsupervised trips to the store, but at least he is learning. It made me laugh and want to keep him from growing up too fast.

A Spiritual Feast:  We got the conference issue of the Ensign this week, and I must say that I have never been more excited to read it.  It could not have come at a better time for me. Some of my favorites so far include: Happiness, Your Heritage by President Uchtdorf, Celestial Marriage by Elder Nelson, and especially, Finding Joy in the Journey by President Monson. Here is my favorite quote from the last one: 

"Both abundance and lack [of abundance] exist simultaneously in our lives, as parallel realities.  It is always our conscious choice which secret garden we will tend...when we choose not to focus on what is missing from our lives but are grateful for the abundance that's present--love, health, family, friends, work, the joys of nature, and personal pursuits that bring us [happiness]--the wasteland of illusion falls away and we experience heaven on earth."

"Hi Mommy": I had a routine doctor's appointment this week.  Despite a few pesky problems, the baby looks to be doing fantastic.  My Doctor did a quick ultrasound, and I got a really great view of our little boy.  From where I was laying, it looked like he was waving to me and telling me that everything was alright.  The Doctor even commented that he was saying "hi" to his mommy.  Very cool!

Date Night: Jonathon and I have found it really hard to go on dates lately.  Last night I mentioned that I really wanted to do something soon while I still feel decent.  Then, like usual, we found ourselves splitting up again so that I could go to the adult session of stake conference and Jonathon could stay home and watch Christian.  I was grateful to get to go, but was thinking it would have been nice to go together.  I had an uplifting experience and when I got home, I noticed the house had been moved around a little bit.  Suspiciously, I asked what was going on and Jonathon asked if I was ready for our date.  I was shocked, surprised, and so happy.  He set up the room so that we could watch a movie (Hitchcock's Strangers on a Train ), put Christian to bed, cleaned the house, and most impressively, made us brownie sundaes for dessert.  Don't be fooled...these were not ordinary brownie sundaes.  I have a lot of dietary restrictions and haven't been able to eat ice cream (my favorite food ever) for the last 10 months.  Jonathon found me special ice cream made from Rice Milk, and baked special brownies substituting the eggs and oil for egg whites and apple sauce.  It suddenly became a dessert that I could enjoy and meant so much more because of all of his effort. It tasted great too :). It was such a nice evening, and I have the greatest husband ever.

I guess all of this thinking and writing (sorry, it got long) proves to me that the Lighter Side of Life is where I need to be spending my time and energy.  I really do have a great life and a lot to be thankful for. I feel better already.  Maybe tonight I will be able to sleep.