Parenting by the Spirit

Parenting is HARD.

My 16-year-old self, who thought she knew everything, is now looking at me with her palms on her forehead saying, "What happened? I thought your kids were going to be perfect!"

I had lots of great ideas about how to raise kids, but sometimes "the best laid plans of mice and men often go awry." That is why it is so crucial that we use the Spirit in our parenting. The Spirit knows the needs of each of our children individually and can help us in any situation.

Over the last several months, I have found myself concerned so much about the state of the morals of the world. I grimace as I see more and more examples of God being removed from our society. I don't worry so much for myself as I do for my kids. I know that things are only going to get more difficult.  For a long time I didn't know what to do to counteract the effects of the world or how to best help my kids.

As I started to listen more carefully, I have heard the Spirit whisper time and time again that the most important thing that I can give my children are opportunities to build their testimonies. A strong testimony that God is their loving Father in Heaven, that Jesus suffered and died for all of us, and that the church has been restored to the earth in this day and is led by a living prophet will get them through any trial or temptation that the world can throw at them. No other parenting "trick" is going to help them more than this knowledge.

With these thoughts on my mind, I wanted to write about a very small, but important experience we had this week. I hope that Christian can look back on this experience as a building block of his testimony. I know that I will remember it as a moment when I listened to the Spirit to help me as a parent.

Christian has been under a lot of pressure at school. He is in an advanced program, and a lot is required of him. He often has several homework assignments each night, and his teacher has very high expectations. This is a good thing because he often needs a little push, but I know that it can also be stressful. On Thursday, Christian came home from school prepared to start his homework. When he glanced in his bag, he immediately went into a panic. His math book was not in his backpack. He looked all around and then realized he must have forgotten it at school. He was extremely frustrated and downright angry with himself for the mistake. He was assigned to do 4 pages in the book, and he knew that if he didn't finish his homework, his teacher would be disappointed, he would receive a pink slip (for missing homework), and he would miss out on the  party at the end of the month.

I was able to put the situation in perspective and realize that everything was going to be fine, but to Christian it was a big deal. I had to walk a fine line because I am a huge proponent of kids learning real consequences for their actions. Missing homework should carry with it a consequence that encourages them to not make that choice again. That being said, next to me was a devastated little boy who really wanted to do the right thing, but couldn't because of a small moment of forgetfulness. I told him that everyone makes mistakes and that I knew how hard he was working.  I was so proud of his desire to be responsible and do his best, but he grew more and more frustrated with himself. My mommy heart just ached to see him in a situation where he felt such emotional anguish and couldn't do anything about it. We tried to think of anything we could do to get the math book, but there really were no options.

Finally, I sent him up to bed. The Spirit continued to nudge me that I needed to do something. I went up and laid on his bed by him and gave him a hug. I could sense his anguish, and didn't have any idea what to do. As I laid there, I closed my eyes and asked Heavenly Father what to do. The Spirit reminded me that when we don't know what to do, we can always pray. I asked Christian if he would like to say a prayer. He is not an overtly spiritual boy, so I was surprised when he agreed. We knelt down by his bed and he asked me to say it. I prayed that Christian might know that Heavenly Father was proud of his efforts, that he might feel peace and not worry all night about his assignment. I asked that Heavenly Father would help Christian to be able to face whatever consequences might come, but that if it was His will, He might help Christian be able to get his homework done and that his teacher might be merciful because of his good desires.

When we finished, he seemed much calmer and was able to get in bed and go to sleep. I went to bed praying as well. My prayer was not so much about math homework, but that this experience would be a faith-building one for Christian. I prayed that our prayers would be answered so that Christian would have knowledge that Heavenly Father was aware of him and that prayer worked.

The whole next day, I thought and prayed about Christian's situation and anxiously awaited him coming home. When he got off the bus, I asked him about his homework. With a smile on his face, he told me that his teacher had not collected the homework that day. What a tender mercy! It might not have seemed like a big thing to his teacher, but to one nine year old boy (and his mom), it had been the answer to prayer.

I made sure to point out to Christian that our prayers had been answered. We still have to do our best to be responsible and do the right things, but in our moments of frustration and anguish, Heavenly Father hears us and shows us His love. I am no where close to perfect at following the Spirit, but I am so grateful for a Father who loves all of His children and am thankful for the Holy Ghost who inspires us to know what we need to do if we will listen.